The title of this book is sure to grab your attention, and
make you wonder “What is this all about?” It is a
book that is written for teenage girls, to address the issue of how
they present themselves to the world, and especially to the opposite
sex. One of the texts the author quotes, is 1 Tim. 2:9, 10...
“...that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel,
with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls
or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing
godliness, with good works.” She acknowledges that at this
age, God has caused boys and girls to be attractive to each other, but
this must take place in a godly manner. In the introduction, the
author writes: “(This book) is a place for you to start to
better understand your sexuality and how it impacts the guys around
you.....it is a book that will help you better define who you are and
how you can attract the opposite sex without losing sight of your faith
and your commitment to purity.” (p 9)
This book is written in a very honest, easy-to-read, straight
forward manner, in “teenagey” language. It first
focuses on the importance of understanding males, and the way God has
made them. They are turned on by what they see, whether they are
18 years old, or 80!! From the little bit they see, they create a
mental image, and can fantasize about a girl's (or woman's) body.
By revealing a small part or parts of your body, you are causing men to
stumble and sin. Matt. 5:29 is quoted: “But I say to
you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed
adultery with her in his heart.” Then also Rom. 14:21 is
mentioned: “It is good to neither eat meat nor drink wine
nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is
made weak.”
Dress:
The book covers many areas of how to dress in a God-pleasing
manner. Hayley DiMarco writes that short t-shirts or low pants
that show off the stomach, encourage guys to look there. Girls
don't realize that the tummy is the doorway to the parts guys are
longing to see and touch. This is the same with bikinis!
Also, t-shirts with low necklines, which show a bit of cleavage, are a
magnet for guys' eyes, and they wonder what the rest looks like, or
feels like! T-shirts that say something across the breasts, are
meant to draw attention to them. Likewise, pants with something
written across the backside. You don't necessarily have to be
revealing flesh. Also, showing a bit of lacy underwear at your
neckline or pants-line, or wearing very short skirts or shorts is
tantalizing to guys, who fantasize about the rest that they cannot see!
Make-Up:
Hayley writes “What are your motives, your
goals?.....We usually wear make-up for one of two reasons. One is to
look healthier, maybe cover up zits and dark circles, and to just feel
better. The other is to look older, which in turn makes you look
sexier.....What mothers and young girls alike don't understand is that
too much make-up too soon can make you look so much older that creepy
older guys start getting really turned on. So, be aware of your
motives. Who are you trying to attract, and what are you doing
with your make-up?” (p 71) She encourages just light,
natural-looking make-up.
Body Art:
The author writes about body piercings and tattoos, which many
use to “improve” their bodies. However, she warns
that some body art is created for sexual arousal, not just for
fashion. A belly button ring or tongue ring, or a tattoo in the
small of your back just above your pant line, or one peeking out of
your bra line, is just like putting up a sign for the special of the
day....attracting attention to those areas. She writes
“To make yourself a sexual object is to kill a part of you that
was created especially for relationship. God didn't create you to
be some boy's toy.” (p 62) She then quotes from the
Bible: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is
that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Rom. 12:2)
Alcohol:
Hayley writes that a lot of “good” girls go bad
when alcohol is involved. Women become intoxicated quicker than
men. They have a smaller quantity of dehydrogenase, an enzyme
that breaks down alcohol, and hormonal changes also cause intoxication
to set in faster. A few drinks could thus cause females to act
differently than they normally would, also when they are with
guys. This can easily lead you to do things you'd later
regret. It's a tool of Satan, to try to get you on the wrong
track! So, beware of drinking, especially at parties with guys
around.
Hayley DiMarco covers many more important aspects. She
covers the importance of having good friends so that you can help each
other positively; of not having relationships with the world; of not
being a “tease” and being excessively flirtatious; of not
worrying about self-esteem, but God-esteem (not thinking of yourself,
but letting God become your focus), and then how to go about being the
person God wants you to be. Her book is interspersed with
pictures, interesting facts, Bible texts and confessions of a youth
pastor, for example “It's hard to speak to your hearts when
all I see is your parts.”
To sum it up in a nutshell, she writes: “Don't let
your exterior become your obsession or the cost could prove to be your
interior life. Focus on what really matters, your spirit, your
soul, your life with God, and I promise you that all the exterior stuff
will slowly become less and less important.” (p 78) She
encourages girls to follow the guidelines in God's Word:
“Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging
the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let
it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of
a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of
God.” (1 Pet. 3:3,4)
This book will be a great asset to mothers and daughters in
the struggle for purity in a sexually-orientated world. Because
this book is directed at teenagers, the author sometimes uses words
which we normally wouldn't use, e.g. “heck”, but this does
not detract from the timely message of this book, for both younger and
older women.
Review by R Vermeulen
